Say no to hate

I drove up to Tulsa yesterday, I'm sitting in Colin's apartment on TU's campus now, and I just realized that for the first time in 2 years, I don't hate school. I hated it during my senior year--I could hardly wait to be finished. I hated it the year after that, remembering how "awful" it was the previous year. But now that I'm a little more removed from experience, I no longer have such negative feelings toward it. I can even see myself doing more in the future, either tech or grad school, and not being miserable the whole time. (The only downside--really steep downside--would be the cost.)

I think perhaps the reason why school seemed to suck so much was because I wasn't happy with my life in general at the time. I liked school my sophomore year, and I liked my life. I didn't like school my junior and senior years, and I didn't like my life. Funny how that seems to work. It's hard to be satisfied with one part of your life when another is severely stressing you out.

Right now, I'm mostly happy with my life, but I'm uneasy about where it's headed. I like both of my jobs, and I love my coworkers. I'm in a healthy, fulfilling relationship with a guy I love. I have a fairly good number of friends in OKC now. But I do still somewhat feel like I'm in a rut. I don't really have a concrete game plan. I don't know where or when I'll end up moving (or even if I'll be moving at all, frankly). My life so far has consisted of working toward the next level of school. Now that I'm done, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm not even sure I want to pursue a career in the field I studied.

At least I can rest easy knowing I'm not in debt, like most other people my age who just graduated. That's a really nice situation to be in, and since I'm living with my dad, not having to pay rent, I'm able to save up money. I guess even if nothing changes in the next year or two, I'll have a good chunk of change in my savings account that will allow me to do whatever, and go wherever, I want once I figure out what, and where, that is.

I'm in a perpetual state of waiting.

Well, I thought that with the coming of November, my life in general would become less stressful, but so far this has not been the case. This semester is starting to wear me thin. I'm STILL in the thick of all my class projects, so school is a bit chaotic. Band obligations have diminished slightly, but I've been skipping rehearsal some lately and I feel guilty for it. I keep staying up till the early hours of the morning (take a look at the post time below) and then waking up obscenely late. It's not responsible and it's not healthy. I have yet to fully catch up in Animation, though at least I haven't gotten any further behind. Today (meaning Monday) was the most unproductive day of the semester as well as one of the worst days I've EVER had. Study abroad forms continue to bombard me and probably will through December. I can't wait to leave on January first. I definitely need a change in scenery. Routines make me crazy, which may be why I'm slacking off so much lately--this does tend to happen in the latter half of semesters. In any event, tomorrow (meaning Tuesday) I will try to force myself to get my act together, and hopefully I can get through the rest of the month and half left of school with good grades, health, and confidence to be ready for travel. I'll be counting down the days.